she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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