Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
