She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
