the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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