Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
