holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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