her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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