This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
