I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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