So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
