I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
