HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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