3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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