do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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