i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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