i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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