My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
