i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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