Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I understand Curling. That high.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
