we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
