Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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