Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
