final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
