i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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