he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
even my farts smell like vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
