Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
