Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
