guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
