hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
