i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
