I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
