So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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