we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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