my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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