how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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