what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
