U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
