38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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