we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
