So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
