Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
