I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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