how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
