He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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