I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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