So drunk its hurt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
