just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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