Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
