What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
