I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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