come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize