This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
