woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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