Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
