my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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