We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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