Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
