I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
