Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
