Your dad touched me again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
