Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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