i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
