YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so let's talk penis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
