I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think your dad took our porno
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
