I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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