bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
