I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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