he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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