If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
