I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
