I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
