cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
